The To-Do List

Children's Fiction, General Fiction

Frances Fowler’s to-do list:

  1. Hide CD player, radio, and all of Emmy’s death metal CDs before she wakes up
  2. Feed Herbert
  3. Go shopping:
    1. restock on frozen mice for Herbert
    2. gallon tub of strawberry-chip ice cream
    3. dark chocolate brownie mix
    4. M&Ms
    5. laxatives
    6. canned tuna
    7. random formal dress from discount racks
    8. rent Emmy’s favorite chick flicks
  4. Make brownies
    1. Use M&Ms to mark the ones with laxatives
  5. Call and tell Tim I changed my mind about winter formal– I will meet him and the rest of the crowd at Applebee’s before the dance
  6. Borrow Emmy’s biggest purse
    1. Put tuna, can opener, brownies, and Herbert in purse
    2. Do not allow Tim to suspect anything
  7. Offer home-made brownies to everyone at dinner
    1. Save M&M brownies for the low down, dirty rotten, chocaholic, boyfriend-stealing witch
  8. Tell Emmy’s no-good dirty rotten cheating ex that she left her earrings in his car and asked me to retrieve them for her
    1. Hide tuna in car vents
  9. Go to formal with Tim + the rest of the crowd
    1. Avoid Tim’s attempts to grope, nuzzle, or any other gross behavior
    2. If Tim gets too close, take Herbert out of purse
      1. Use Herbert only if absolutely necessary
      2. Do not get caught by teachers. (Especially Mr. Knight–don’t want a repeat of last week’s bio class incident)
  10. Leave formal early
    1. Fake concern about boyfriend-stealing witch’s long stay in the bathroom?
    2. Slip out bathroom window?
  11. Go home and enjoy ice cream + all of Emmy’s fav flicks for Twins’ Night In
  12. Tomorrow: donate random formal dress to Goodwill