Frances Fowler’s to-do list:
- Hide CD player, radio, and all of Emmy’s death metal CDs before she wakes up
- Feed Herbert
- Go shopping:
- restock on frozen mice for Herbert
- gallon tub of strawberry-chip ice cream
- dark chocolate brownie mix
- M&Ms
- laxatives
- canned tuna
- random formal dress from discount racks
- rent Emmy’s favorite chick flicks
- Make brownies
- Use M&Ms to mark the ones with laxatives
- Call and tell Tim I changed my mind about winter formal– I will meet him and the rest of the crowd at Applebee’s before the dance
- Borrow Emmy’s biggest purse
- Put tuna, can opener, brownies, and Herbert in purse
- Do not allow Tim to suspect anything
- Offer home-made brownies to everyone at dinner
- Save M&M brownies for the low down, dirty rotten, chocaholic, boyfriend-stealing witch
- Tell Emmy’s no-good dirty rotten cheating ex that she left her earrings in his car and asked me to retrieve them for her
- Hide tuna in car vents
- Go to formal with Tim + the rest of the crowd
- Avoid Tim’s attempts to grope, nuzzle, or any other gross behavior
- If Tim gets too close, take Herbert out of purse
- Use Herbert only if absolutely necessary
- Do not get caught by teachers. (Especially Mr. Knight–don’t want a repeat of last week’s bio class incident)
- Leave formal early
- Fake concern about boyfriend-stealing witch’s long stay in the bathroom?
- Slip out bathroom window?
- Go home and enjoy ice cream + all of Emmy’s fav flicks for Twins’ Night In
- Tomorrow: donate random formal dress to Goodwill